How It’s _Not_ Done: Avoid Creepiness

As I’ve previously mentioned I’ve been in e-communities in one form or another for a very long time (way before it was social media, before the Internet was a household word and in everyone’s household and pocket).

Sadly, there’s been one recurrent theme — a noticeable percentage of the male of the species who play in online communities are socially inept or at least project that image online (some intentionally, some not).  And rather than take advantage of this new medium to deal with what might simply be awkwardness when put on the spot IRL, frequently these new platforms seem to make the problem worse.  Why does it make the problem worse?  Not quite sure, I have some theories, but putting them out here right now won’t really advance the discussion.

Instead, some tips on how not to be a stalker/creepy online (these are mostly Twitter based as it’s really one of the speediest interactive systems and prone to such odd behaviour since the friend/follow system can run unilaterally (i.e., no acceptance is necessary))…. Continue reading How It’s _Not_ Done: Avoid Creepiness

Betrayal, Anger, Frustration, Ulcer…

Ok, not an ulcer, but this post has been stewing for a few days and I think it’s finally ready to be served.  But first, one of my favorite quotes from The Art of War (one of my Top 10 books), with my own addendum…

Keep your friends close,
and your enemies closer.

~Sun-tzu (Approximately 400 B.C.E.)

And keep your business associates as far the eff away as you can.
~PR Cog  (November 24, 2009)

Last week, great PR practitioner, David Spinks reminded us on his blog that he’s here (on social media sites, etc.) for business and not to be our friends.  For him it seems, if friendship develops, that’s great, but it’s not his primary purpose.

The only thing that’s really preventing me from getting completely up in arms is his response to the blog post’s first comment: “You’re absolutely right that we have to remember that everyone is not here for that purpose that you may be.”

Earlier in the response however he asks, “There are people in the social media space that are here just to make friends? Who? lol There may be some people who act like they’re here just to make friends, but I doubt that’s the real case.”

In case you’re wondering — I’m raising my hand David. (So is my proper self (who never talks business on Twitter), my Rabbi (who much to my chagrin is on Twitter), my Liberal Arts department head (with tenure) from college (who pretty much only talks about music by the Beatles and G. Dead on Twitter), etc.)

Need proof of my own intent?  How would a person with no traceable identity get or drive business without revealing themselves?  (And yes, until a few weeks ago there were under 10 people (PRBC-ers included) who knew my first name, and I believe 4 who knew my full name.)

Need more proof? In the half dozen or so events I’ve had the honor of pulling (or assisting in pulling) together between Masquertweet and PRBC never has a single dollar stayed in my pocket, an organization that I’m formally affiliated with benefited fiscally, or any business come my way.

Nota Bene: In case anyone is still confused, the name on Facebook is not my real name.  Properly read it should be PeteR COGnoscenti i.e. PR Cog (Cognoscenti does actually mean something – http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/cognoscente .  The name is a joke but FB requires a real looking name and so I grew one…).  I still introduce myself as Peter in-person since it makes more sense for those not in-the-know.

My single greatest SM joy (and I think I’ve posted this elsewhere) is introducing people, who don’t know each other, but I believe should.  That’s certainly not business (unless you’re actually a matchmaker).  But from what I’ve seen, and the thanks I’ve received, has been highly successful.

In part, I doubt the veracity of your post.  Not that you’re being dishonest, but rather that you’re really here for equal(ish) parts work and play, but that doesn’t make for great copy and given the option it’s always better to take the high (“professional”) road. You seemed to be having a good time (socially) at the meetup a few weeks back (which is the point, of course so it’s not a negative) and I didn’t see much work going on and yet the entire event was strung together based on social media.  Entirely possible I missed the work component but I likely would’ve heard about something that out of the ordinary (all kinds of tidbits make their way around – it’s a bit spooky really).

In part, I’m highly offended.  You want to do business — grand.  Then your bio (and anyone else who’s here just with work intentions) should only show business information and leave anything personal out.  For me, I’m rarely more annoyed than when a casual conversation turns into a business pitch.  I’d also be highly disappointed to discover I may have subjected guests at a social event to a sales pitch of some variety.  As indicated above, I don’t think this happened at our event, but for those with a single minded purpose it doesn’t seem like it would be a great leap.

Do I shun those on social media sites that are here for business primarily or solely — of course not.   But at least say so when we first interact, not some 6 months later (you started following me on June 29th — I don’t have the reverse date though).  For me intent is a big part of any motivation — a pure, honest intent can go far to correct mistakes.  Bad intent on the other hand … well, as they say, GIGO.

One point of clarification – do I believe there is gray between pure biz and pure play — of course.  It’s a large gray area IMHO that most of us fall into.  There is a vast difference between learning from our peers and colleagues in the course of conversation and coming to this playground with the specific intent to build your (or your company’s) brand or business.  Heck, I gain insight into our biz in social settings (even from non-PR-folks) all the time — I wouldn’t presume to call that business.

I came here to talk and play.  You came here for professional reasons.  I’m certain those I ‘speak’ with regularly know my intent when I engage with them.

Special thanks to Alex Tan for playing Devil’s Advocate (Factoid: an actual job in the Roman Catholic Church) with me over the last week.

5 more of 25 real things

Picking up on this old post which is, as noted then, “inspired by the stupid FB trend.”  At this rate I should be done in a year and a half.  Five more real things:

  1. I trust everyone until you give me a reason not to.  After that it’s an uphill battle.
  2. If you’re an adult, I expect you to act like one.
  3. I hold grudges.
  4. If I’m intentionally ignoring you, it’s likely because you don’t really want to hear what I have to say, so I’m sparing you.
  5. One of my three favorite books: The Stranger.

-30-

I too can be an ass . . .

This post is really directed at the 10 fantastic writers at PRBreakfastClub.com

And so it is that because of a previously scheduled meeting I was late (very late, as in joining in the last five minutes late) for the PRBC 12for12K/GG24 chat.

Picking up on an earlier comment I referred to the fantastic writers of the PRBreakfastClub as my “my minions.”

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I certainly hope each and every one of the fantastic folks I have the honor of calling my friends and colleagues realizes the comment was made in jest.

This post is, of course, not an excuse, but merely an explanation.

By no means do I consider any of you my minions (or anyone’s minion in fact).  Every chance I get I sing your praises to our colleagues in the field when asked (and sometimes when not) and anyone else that’ll listen.

I could go on and on about how each time I get the honor of reading each of your posts before the rest of the world, I feel I’ve learned something new, not only about our field, but about each of you and each time it’s an experience I wouldn’t trade for anything….. [look at that ellipse abuse] but I usually get called out for ranting on my blog too much so I’ll cut it a bit short tonight.

G’night friends.

This is Another Call (Out) [Updated, please read to the end]

It seems this is necessary again…

I really didn’t intend for this to become an attack blog, but sometimes the occasion calls for it and with so much time going into PRBC it seems these are the only posts that end up here.  I’m ok with that.

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This one is response to Barbara Talisman’s blatant attempted attention-getting, inaccurate and mean posting in response to 12for12K’s latest fundraising effort

Now of my rockstaresque qualities (I can already hear the rest of the PRBC laughing) I’ve never claimed to be a master fundraiser. I’ve never claimed much of anything except being able to spot bullshit when I see it.  So let’s start….[Except where noted, block quotes are from Ms. Talisman’s post].

continuing on my rant about social media gurus

Hmmm, I’ve never known Mr. Brown to claim to be a SM guru — in fact he posts about his exhaustion with such things in a November 08 post.  A cause the PRBC fully supports.  In fact Mr. Brown states in that post “Yet that doesn’t mean I’m a guru or expert.”  So let’s immediately deflate Mr. Brown’s head in the image she is trying to convey to you of who he is.

Sponsorships being sold on EBay and Henny (?) will be hosting the Tweetathon.

I’ve never known it was possible to sell anything on Henny.  A 30 second  search would’ve brought Ms. Talisman to the identity of the elusive Henie even with misspellings.  The research here is already lacking.  Not so great for a “consultant and trusted advisor”.  I’m also worried about that sentence structure as I’m not sure how anything is sold on “EBay (sic) and Henny will be…”

Low balling once again – $250 opening bid and $350 Buy it Now.  Launching on September 29.

This we’ll come back to visit later…

Very confusing on the call…..

If Ms. Talisman was confused she should’ve said something on the call.  Or “directed” Mr. Brown, or emailed any of the other participants.  Or waited for the formal announcement.  But let’s be honest, she wasn’t confused, she wants to make the organization look bad and fluff herself in the process.

So here we are six months into Danny Brown’s well intentioned “12for12K campaign – Changing the World through Social Media.” So far, six organizations nominated by folk and selected by Brown are a part of a social media campaign to raise money.

This paragraph says nothing a calendar couldn’t.  Thanks.  How about “So here we are six months into Danny Brown’s well intentioned “12for12K campaign – Changing the World through Social Media” and….<insert conclusion/assertion.”  Then we would’ve been told something.

Allegedly – I have to ask if it was a campaign to raise money or raise awareness and business for Danny Brown. (And I realize by writing this I am only playing into the hype! But maybe this will also give the charities another opportunity to raise some more money.)

Huh?  What’s with the leading “Allegedly.”  I’m not a moron, I know what Ms. Talisman is trying to say, but it’s not coming across in Enlgish (SII — Spelled Incorrectly Intentionally).

The idea is 12 charities raising $12K each in a month or some period of time. I find it interesting Danny selected a photo where he is not looking at the camera or you.

Holy non-sequiturs Batman.  Yes, 12 charities, 12 months, 12K per month (“or some period”).  Quickly followed by an attack of the picture as a sign of dishonesty?

What is it with the attacks on pictures lately?

Since it appears important, however, I know Mr. Brown’s avatar up to a few weeks or months  ago was an image of him looking directly into the camera and only recently replaced with this more formal headshot.  So I guess he recently became a dishonest SM Guru.

But seriously, we’ve got friends, Congressmen, former presidents who will look an investigating panel in the face and lie.  But because Mr. Brown is looking down we’re not to trust him.  It’s not only ridiculous and preposterous it’s simply 1) Wrong (as in incorrect) 2) Wrong (as in questionably moral) and 3) bushleague from someone who should be a “trusted advisor” and theoretically thought leader in her field.

Unfortunately, with the exception of Share our Strength, none of the charities have come close to raising the $12,000.

Well 2 problems here.  1) It’s inaccurate — see Mr. Brown’s post for full details on this part 2) Inconsistent — mere paragraphs earlier Ms. Talisman accused Mr. Brown of “low balling.”  If he is indeed low balling then he should be hitting his mark every month.  If he’s not low balling then it means he’s working hard to make a difference and there’s possibly room for additional work and/or improvement.  Something I’ve always been taught is a sign of a person being challenged by a goal they’re still striving for — a good thing.

There’s a distrust of attorneys who claim to have never lost a case — it usually means they aren’t taking any difficult cases, this is the same thing.  Mr. Brown has set a goal for 12for12K.  If they’re still working toward that goal on a monthly basis then they are suitably challenged. You can’t not have your cake and not eat it too.

While Danny has created quite a presence for himself and a groundswell of Tweets and RTs on and off – it has not resulted in these charities reaching their goal.

Wait for it.

We need to use the social media more effectively to raise money. Like old fashioned fundraising success comes from:

  • Good case for support
  • Urgency – now not tomorrow or next month
  • Connection – to the cause or leadership
  • People give to people – give because someone asked

And here we go — this is the message Ms. Talisman has been trying to deliver — “Look at me, here’s what I know about my field.  Please get out of here you upstart.”

Like old fashioned fundraising — ok.

Good case for support — Since I’ve known him, each of Mr. Brown’s selected charities have been compelling and ‘sold’ to the 12for12K fundraisers compellingly.

Urgency — If she says so, Ms. Talisman may be right here.  Mr. Brown’s unique 12 month / 12 charity cycle automatically builds in this component.  As if any of the organization’s supporters really needed reminding that tragedies are happening now and support has to come now.  We get it.

Connection — Ahh, the key one.  “to the cause or leadership.”  That’s exactly what Mr. Brown has done — built a small army of supporters who hold events, network with each other and other they know in an attempt to do some good.  Some of the best twitter people I know I’ve met through 12for12K.  Whenever the opportunity arises I always try to integrate the organization into a project — not because I have to, because the causes are good, and the other 12for12K-ers good people.  They believe in what they’re doing  and I’ve seen that belief in their eye (pun intended based on my own avatar).

And so the “groundswell of Tweets and RTs” Ms. Talisman pokes fun at in the prior paragraph would seem to prove this connection to the cause and its leadership.  This isn’t putting the cart before the horse, or the pot calling the kettle black — it’s putting the kettle before the horse.

Either he’s not doing it or he is.  Or she’s just trying to use Mr. Brown and 12for12K’s following (15K+ on twitter) as a platform to deliver her message (more on this in a bit) since her own following of under 900 isn’t suitable.  Not a bad tactic — attack a leader of many and see if you can get some of them to join your cause by showing what you’ve got.  I don’t think it’ll have the intended fallout this time though.

People give to people — Yes.  We’re all people asking other people to give their time, money or knowledge to the cause of the month.  Guilty, Guilty, Guilty.

And then the whipped cream and cherry …

More ideas for using social media to raise money, see my next blog post.

Ahh, now here’s the real message.  I’ve told you how it’s being done wrong, attacked someone and their organization in its inaugural year, but now I’ll show you how to really do it in my next “episode.”

I won’t even begin to address some of the fishy issues Mr. Brown does in his own response, such as (from Mr. Brown’s blog):

…you [Ms. Talisman] contacted me earlier this year through email (and then phone call) suggesting that donations raised go to your company instead of the charities. You would then use this money to “consult” these charities.

I mentioned at the time that I wanted all funds to go to the charities themselves, and not to a company that may or may not help.

I won’t even pick up pencil and pad to describe how sketchy and the creepy crawlies I got when reading that.  I can only hope it’s an error on someone’s part and Ms. Talisman did not actually suggest (and pitch and re-pitch) such a thing.

Simply put, there are better ways to go about attacking someone’s technique.  Particularly in this field.  Bring me case studies, bring me proven campaigns, bring me your knowledge, work with me for a few weeks and (just like in grade school) show, not tell me how to do it if your goal is indeed properly aligned with what you claim it to be.  Heavens knows Mr. Brown will take the input and assistance of anyone willing to help out.

Here’s the challenge — Rather than knock someone down for  doing good, join them.  Host a 12for12K fundraiser Ms. Talisman.  Show the rest of the group how it’s done.  Put in your own 60-90 days planning an event, with no payoff,  and knock our effin socks off with your work.  We’ve all put in our pound of flesh and continue to do so.  Now it’s your turn.

Update (9/23/09 20:30 Eastern)

Some additional posts on this topic (sorry for the quick and dirty links — I’ve got some other stuff to get to, but I’ll come back and prettify it later):

And, perhaps most importantly, an apology from Ms. Talisman.  Definitely worth the read and I’m sure we all appreciate the comments.

http://talismantol.wordpress.com/2009/09/23/mea-culpa-to-12for12k/

e need to use the social media more effectively to raise money. Like old fashioned fundraising success comes from:
Good case for support
Urgency – now not tomorrow or next month
Connection – to the cause or leadership
People give to people – give because someone asked